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Wow, what an applause! Thank you! I don't deserve it, really. Well, Star Wars celebrities have been so popular lately, that I have taken the personal risk of interviewing Darth Maul.

RW: So, you getta load of the chop-in-half scene at the end of the movie?

DM: Growl...

RW: Let's get right down to the meaty stuff. Why did you make the career decision to be an evil Sith Warrior? Did you just say when you were a little kid: "Boy, I wanna be a wicked, ruthless incarnate of the Dark Side when I grow up!"

DM: I wanted to be a Jedi 'till I saw those cool black pants.

RW: Another great issue? Why do all the evil Jedis get good taylors?

DM: Growl....

RW: And how about that double-sided lightsaber? How much power does that puppy use?

DM: I hack down about eight or ten little pink bunnies a month.

RW: Wow. If you Dark Sith guys are so great, why can't you just power it with sheer will?

DM: Growl.....

RW: Hey, don't raise that lightsaber at me!! Don't you know Yoda taught me the force?


RW <Holding up a picture of Anakin Skywalker>: Ha, take that!

DM: AAAAHH! Someone with more than FIVE LINES IN THE SCRIPT!

RW: Ouch. His horns just inverted and caused a seizure. I guess you need to respect the director's call. See you next time on Ringwald the Hamster!